The Best of You

Remind me how does being in your best state feels like? Waking up feeling great being in your own skin? Excited to face the day? Internally grateful?

Because right now, I feel like I am at my worst self. I am losing my patience, my conscious, my common senses, my kindness and most goods I was ever proud of myself.  The only thing I have always been proud of me, my personality is fading slowly. It feels like my soul is peeling off of me and its suffocating. Its torturing me from day to day and to make it worst, I feel like I am dealing with this alone, when actually I have a loving and caring husband by my side. I have a wonderful mama who I talked to on the phone almost everyday. I have a clingy younger brother who spam and call me just to ask me what would be the best title for his upcoming video blog, he is on the road of becoming famous. So he claimed. Not to forget my strict dad and my annoying younger sister. I have friends too. Good ones.

Writing these made me realized, I have all the people I need to be happy, but Im missing one most important person, Me. I guess life likes to pull off tricks. Or maybe Im just acting dramatic.

If you think I have already solved my puzzle and about to unveil the solutions, Im sorry I might have to disappoint you.

Anyways, I don’t think that I am depressed. Maybe not yet, hopefully not. I still have things that I am truly grateful for as I have mentioned above. I am just not very sure how to fix myself. Doing this and that? Finishing incomplete tasks, meditating, listen to good songs and exercise, whats new? It holds me for a while, but I still feel like there is wind blowing through my empty shell. Well, just because Im having a rough phase, doesn’t mean that I lose interest for the world. I believe this current me will be just be temporary. I might as well embrace this dark side of me, and my dark eye circles too. I already feel a small weight of distress flapping away now.

So do tell, what makes you feel best about yourself? If I can’t fix myself this time, hey, maybe you would inspire me !

P/S: Right now, Im blogging at Mc Donald, I sit alone on the left side of the wall, right under a freezing cold air-cond. “Ho Hey” is currently on the playlist, however at the back of my ear, they turned on the TV and football match is on the run. I did not bother about what teams are playing. It is indeed a little distracting. But not as much as I was distracted by a guy who sat at my 1 o’clock.

He has been playing with his phone for quite a while and smash his phone hard on the table a few times, looking very stressed out. He’s having a bad game time. I saw his thumb tapping fast on his phone’s screen, I assumed he’s playing game. My point is, Losing a game wont kill, but it does kill the mood out of a person. Its either he should just quit playing or, stress a little more to win. Perhaps I could apply the same method for my situation too. Hmm